Peak Experience:
My math life story peak experience was actually born from a feeling of complete inadequacy I had in regards to my mathematical achievements. Due to my older sister's ability to excel in every math honors course she took in high school, I entered my high school journey with the already implanted expectation that I also would join the math honor's train. This expectancy however, did not last very long. So after two failed attempts across two years to test into a math "AP" class, I finally accepted my place in a basic Algebra I course during my junior year of high school. I decided that I no longer was going to try to prove to my parents and the guidance counselor that I was, "smart," enough to get that special credit on my report card, and I was going to just try to experience math, for me. Now, it may have been the teacher, the book, or even just the material I was learning, but boy did I increase not only my mathematical competence but also my confidence in my abilities to succeed in math. That year I went from a stressed out basket case trying to memorize every definition, equation and concept (for the test) to a math student who became engaged in class discussions, accepted help from tutoring, and eventually became a peer tutor herself. It is from that, "basic," Algebra I class that I took away more knowledge, and more experiences from which I have now transferred to my college math courses and assignments. I learned that sometimes you have to take a step back and forget about the formalities and pressures surrounding others' expectations. I then allowed myself to learn something for me! In the end it did not matter if my high school transcript said, "honors," courses or not. I moved on from high school with an improved outlook on what it means to be a successful student, on my own terms. It is this message that I will pass on to my students as a teacher. I will make sure they know that it does not matter where you end up on that honor roll, it is the journey you take to get there, and the knowledge you develop along the way. Teaching them to be the best THEY can be, and always remember, stress will not equate success!
With the good comes the bad! As you just learned, I never did make it into a honor's math course in high school. My negative experience comes from that reality in combination with my school's choice to place a football/baseball coach in the position of teaching the, "regular," geometry class. His idea of teaching us was assigning chapters to read and practice problems for us to do inside and outside of class. This was done without any form of formal teaching. My frustration levels grew each class period, as I was unable to learn successfully by reading from the textbook. Eventually I began to shut down, and lose motivation to retain anything I was assigned to learn. My math experiences began to be about completion rather than mastery. Geometry was obviously not important to this teacher placed there to teach, so why would it mean anything more to me? Geometry became more of a social hour with the occasional rush to memorize angles and definitions in order to pass the test. That experience truly made me realize that lack of quality and meaningful instruction really does have negative impact on students. A large amount of important geometric concepts were not learned by myself due to this teacher's lack of ability to teach and motivate. I was forced, 4 years later, to play extreme catch up in order to succeed in a college level geometry course. As teachers, we should never set our students up for a deficit that large and influential. I will take my job as an educator very seriously as a result of this experience, and never take for granted the job I am assigned to do. I wish only that my students take away peak experiences in my classroom, and any nadir experiences that may come along will be quickly forgotten or celebrated.
I do not feel that there is just one specific point or experience that sparked an important change in my math life. If there was one, my memory has failed me! However, a series of turning points in my mathematical journey came during my elementary math courses I was required to take before entering my PDS. The courses were not really about teaching (or re-teaching) math but exposing a different side of it from what we were originally taught; to understand the why. This was a turning point because up until then, similar to my colleagues, I thought math was full of very concrete, "do this to do that," type of concepts. When trying to explain why something is what it is, you have to take a step back and really dissect the process you took to get there. It is from these dissections that I realized that math can also be very abstract, and solutions can be influenced by our own learning styles and perspectives we take. While you can teach a child that two plus two will ALWAYS be four, you can also give a child multiple ways to solve addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division problems. They can choose which way suites their learning style. By choosing their own way to solve math problems they are more likely to experience success! I do not know about you, but I was only taught one way to set up a subtraction problem, and one way to show my work throughout my early math journey. These series of turning points, which came from my participation in these courses, revealed a more dynamic side to math that I can pass along to my students.
Around the World," is not a productive game! My third grade teacher loved to force us to play this torturous game after we all passed our multiplication times tests. It is from these games that my math anxieties stemmed. It is also from this game that the stereotype of female’s inferiority in math began to emerge, of course now I wonder if it was a more of a competitive characteristic that led to the boys’ dominance of being the last one standing. I still remember the butterflies I felt in the pit of my stomach when my turn to stand in front of all my peers and answer the random multiplication fact was next. I would consider myself an average to slightly above-average student in third grade. I can only imagine the anxiety my peers felt who were struggling learners when forced to stand up in the spotlight and display their memorization of the multiplication facts. These are feelings that I will work hard as an educator not to expose in my students. Those types of competitive games should be left on the playground!
My second scene comes a little later in my life. It was the first semester of my special education internship and I was placed in a fourth grade general education classroom. During this internship we taught a total of twenty lessons across the semester, dividing them up among math, reading, writing, science and social studies. For one of my math lessons I was told to teach the foundations for learning to divide. This lesson was taught over the span of two days, and by the second day my students were rolling along great and it was time to introduce them to the operational signs that are used to represent division. On the overhead, where everyone could see, I wrote a division problem using the traditional right parenthesis with vinculum, or this is what I thought. In fact I had actually wrote a square root symbol! I should have realized this sooner, but even after my students tried their best to expose this error to me, I continued with the lesson using a square root sign! It was not until my professor, who just happened to be observing me, told me after my lesson of my mistake. I was humiliated. I took the first opportunity to correct my error with the students and made sure they learned the correct sign that can be used when setting up their division problems. This memory just solidifies the critical idea that it is imperative that you plan, plan, plan and rehearse before teaching a room of children. Maybe have someone else look over my math lesson plans in the future as well!
The single greatest challenge I have faced along my math journey has been the time commitment I typically have to make in order to be successful in this subject. I feel throughout my life I always had to work just a bit harder at math than others, and no matter the problem, solution or expectation I always spent more time than my peers completing it. I have faced and overcome this challenge by dedicating more of time outside of school to understand math, as well as increased my engagement in discussions and math problems inside of school. I also sought the assistance of a math tutor outside of school during my high school years. This challenge never allowed me to slack off, because if I did I experienced failure (lack of accomplishment). With my math tutor, parents and sister, Allison, I gained the support and help I needed to be successful and accept this challenge with full embrace. This challenge has impacted my experience with math in the form of confidence in my ability. I have come to accept also that maybe it was my lack of confidence all along that created this challenge for me. When my confidence was low, the time commitment increased, but when my confidence was a little higher, the time commitment decreased. This mutual relationship has remained consistent throughout my childhood and on in to my adulthood.
I want to be a special education teacher because I believe that every child can. Not only do I feel every child can, but also that every child should be given equal opportunity to reach their inner potential and exceed expectations. One of my favorite quotes from a Christian song I love reads, “Impossible is not word, it is just a reason people give for not trying.” Throughout history that “word,” "impossible," has been used too much when speaking about and teaching children and adults with special needs. It is amazing the change that has occurred in this field and I want so much to be a part of that. No matter the disability, I feel that children are all born with special gifts. It is with these gifts that we as teachers can really make a difference in their lives, and it with these gifts that they can have meaningful growth. I want to celebrate the, “special,” in special education!
When it comes to teaching mathematics to my students I feel that their success will have to start within me. I need to be confident in what I teach them so that they in turn are confident in their ability. I believe that there is no one way to teach or learn. I will be sure that they are given the tools to solve the problem the way they can be most successful with. My vision of math instruction also includes cooperative and collaborative learning. Breaks in the lesson when my students can explore and learn together with their peers. I will do all I can to prevent math anxiety from occurring along their math life journey!
